Part 59

Geet couldn’t see him breaking down like that. She hugged him tight running her fingers on his hair. She told, “Maan, aap please sambhalo apne aap ko. Mein janthi hoon ki yeh sab itna aasaan nahi he aapkeliye. We are equally guilty for whatever happened. Please usse bhul jao. Humare bacche ki khatir. Please.” Maan composed himself slowly and got up. He hugged Geet and told, “Geet, aaj ke baad, mein koi bhi dard tumhare paas tak aane nahi doonga. I promise to make everything right. Par mujhe thoda waqt chahiye.” Geet pulled out from the hug and looked into his eyes and told, “Tik he. Aap jaisa chahthe he, waisa hi hoga. Mein humesha aapke saath hoon.” Maan thanked her and hugged her tight. She remained in his embrace but knew something has changed. She didn’t know whether everything will be fine as before.

The rest of the day, Meera and Annie never left her side taking care of each and every need of hers. After dinner when she reached their room, Maan was sitting in their bed with laptop. She changed and lied down facing him. He looked at her and kept the laptop aside. He came near her and placed a soft peck on her forehead. He caressed her tummy and placed a kiss there. Geet smiled at his gesture. He told after sitting back with the laptop, “Geet, tum so jao. Mujhe thoda kaam he.” She was disappointed as she wanted to sleep in his arms, but just smiled and turned to the other side to sleep. Due to fatigue she slept soon.

Next morning when she woke up, she was sure that Maan had not slept with her as she didn’t feel his presence near her in sleep and the side didn’t look like someone has slept. She went to get fresh and threw up a few times due to nausea. She was exhausted when she came out and noticed Maan entering the room. She knew that he was at Gym. He wished her Good Morning and left to take bath. She was again disappointed as he didn’t notice her tiredness. She thought may be she is expecting more. She went down to Kitchen. But as soon as she entered she had a tendency to throw up and Annie who woke up early noticed this and took her to the guest bedroom downstairs. She threw up few more times and was really tired. Annie asked her to take rest for a while there. Dadima and Meera came soon after hearing from Nakul. Meera and Annie were worried seeing Geet but dadima assured that it is common during pregnancy. Geet asked them not to tell anything to Maan as he may get tensed. They agreed and after a while she went up to get ready. She noticed that Maan is in study. She got ready after placing his dress and went downstairs. She waited for Maan and they left together to office after having breakfast. Even though Maan kept on asking her whether she was fine almost once in half an hour, she felt the warmth missing. She could feel the distance in their relation.

Next few days went with the same routine. She was giving him time as she thought he will get over it soon, but he seemed distant than before. She missed sleeping in his arms; she missed his warmth when she needed it the most. She knew that he was hurting inside but that was hurting her more. Her morning sickness has worsened as days passed by. The tiredness and his indifference was taking a toll on her. Two months passed, with no change in Maan’s attitude. Maan was lost in his own private hell that he failed to understand the turmoil Geet was going through. He didn’t even muster the courage to speak to her as every time he looked into her eyes, it reminded him of the incident. He failed to notice her misery. She looked fine before others but he didn’t know she had reached the break point.

Geet was at the verge of break down even though she tried to appear calm and composed. Maan’s love had started to lower the guard she had managed to put around herself. She had let herself susceptible to every pain and hurt. She took the hurt and showered happiness to everyone. Not once did she hurt anyone by her words. But the amount of love and care Maan bestowed over her in the small amount of time made her realize her importance in his life. Slowly she started feeling the need to be loved. Her heart started expecting from him, his love. She yearned for his love, it had become the reason she breathe. Seeing him drowning in guilt forced her to let down all the guards and she shouted at him for the first time in her life.

She couldn’t let him down, they both were equally at fault and she had suffered enough. She can’t let it affect their life any more. The only thing that came in her mind to prevent Maan from the guilt trip was taking all the blame on herself and she did it. She knew that, she couldn’t have prevented him even if she resisted that night as he was stronger than her but she knew that he will never do something like that in his right state of mind. She wanted him to let go of that incident but she knew that he won’t come out of that so easily. When he distanced himself suddenly she couldn’t cope with it. She couldn’t let him go away from her. She wanted to scream at him not to leave but the old Geet in her prevented from doing so. But it was getting unbearable as days passed by. She felt her heart will explode with pain and she lost it completely when he told that he had a business trip coming up for two weeks.

She looked at him with a blank expression and asked, “Maan, do you love me?” Maan was shocked hearing her and asked, “Geet, tum aise kyun pooch rahi ho?” Geet’s face and voice was stern and she repeated, “Answer me Maan, do you love me?” Maan noticed the seriousness in her voice and told, “I love you Geet, more than I have ever thought of loving anyone.” She asked without any change of expression, “Do you love our child?” Maan was bewildered hearing her questions and told, “Geet, how can I not love our child? It is our love, our treasure.” She continued, “Do you want to keep us both happy for the rest of the life or leave us?” He was shocked and immediately caught hold of her, “Geet, tum yeh kya bol rahi ho? Leave you, how can I even think of it? I want to give you all the happiness in this world.” She told still stiff and clear of any emotions, “Then forget about the incident as if it never happened.” Maan’s hands in her shoulder stilled and he slowly took his hands away and turned his back to her. She remained in the same position waiting for his answer. He told, “Geet, woh itna aasaan nahi he jaise tum soch rahi ho. I can never forgive myself for what I did. It was a mistake, a fault, a crime that I did to you. It will definitely take time for me to get over it.” He waited for sometime for Geet to respond. Hearing no response from Geet, he turned to see Geet was not there.

He rushed out of the study and reached their room. He saw Geet packing her clothes in a bag. He went near her and held her hand. She looked at him with a blank expression. She took her hands from his and continued placing her clothes inside. Maan held her shoulders and shook her, “Geet, tum yeh kya kar rahi ho?” Geet didn’t reply and continued packing. He took the bag away and asked angrily, “Geet, mein tumse pooch rahi hoon. Tum kya kar rahi ho?” She looked into his eyes and told coldly, “Hum ja rahe hain. When you have got ridden from the guilt, we will come back.” Maan was taken aback by the coldness in her voice. He asked shocked by her behavior, “Geet, what happened to you? Why are you behaving like this? How can you think of leaving in this condition?” Geet’s control broke with the question.

She pushed his hands from her shoulder and told, “Kyun nahi kar sakthi? Bolo Maan.. Mein aise kyun na jao? Aaj tak aapne jo chaha meine wahi kiya he. Bina kisi shikayat ke. Mujhe sirf aapki khushi chahiye thi. Par aap tho khush rehna hi nahi chahtha. Thak chuki hoon mein, aapko khush karke. Ab mujhe pata nahi ki aapko kya chahiye, aapko mein kaise khush rakhoongi? Mujhe jaane dijiye.” She reached for the bag again and Maan put it away holding her closer. She refused to give in and turned her back to him for the first time in their life. She continued, “Meine aapse kabhi kuch nahi maanga tha. Aap jaisa chahthe the meine bilkul waisa hi kiya he aaj tak. Meine aapse aur iss rishthe se koi umeed nahi rakhi thi. Aapne jo kaha wohi kiya meine. Par aapke pyaar ne mujhe ehsaas diya ki meri zindagi mein bhi khushiyan aa sakthi he. Aapne apne pyaar se meri zindagi badal di, mujhe jeene ka naya umeed diya. Mein bhi chahne lagi ek aisi zindagi jo khusiyon se bhari ho. Mujhe aapke pyaar ki aadat pad gayi thi.

She paused for a while and wiped the tears streaming down her eyes.  Maan was rooted in the spot listening to her when she continued, “I know how you must have felt when you came to know about that incident. When you told me that you need time, I obliged because of that. But you are not willing to come out of the guilt even after knowing that you were not fully at fault, instead you distanced yourself from us. Kya aapne kabhi socha bhi he ki aapke sahare ke bina humara kya hoga? Aap tho sirf yehi soch rahe the ki aap ne galthi ki tho aapko sazaa milni chahiye. Par aapse judi huyi woh do zindagiyon ka kya? Kya woh aapkeliye koi manya nahi raktha? Aap sazaa chahthe the na, tho humse alag rehkar aap apni sazaa kato. Agar mein akeli thi tho mein yeh kadam kabhi nahi utathi kyunki mujhe tho aadat he sab kuch sehne ka, par mein uska asar humare bacche par padne nahi doongi. Aap humse door rehna chahthe the na. Pas hokar bhi door rehna ab mereliye aasaan nahi he, isliye mein jaa rahi hoon, ma ke paas. Mujhe nahi lagtha ki mein iss halat mein isse zyaada seh payegi.

Maan was shocked after listening to her. All the while, in his grief, he never thought of how it will affect her. He failed to understand that she was his reflection, his pain, his grief, his happiness everything reflected on her. How could he think that he can hide his grief from her? He didn’t realize how much she has suffered till now and is still suffering. By distancing himself, he was putting her into the same grief that he was going through. Besides how could he forget about their love, their treasure that she is carrying? He again did the mistake of breaking her completely. She took her bag from him and started walking towards the door. Before she reached the door, Maan came out of the shock and rushed to close the door. She told, “Maan, please aap mere rashte se hatiye.” Maan shook his head and told, “Humara rasta kabhi alag nahi he Geet. Tho mujhe tumhari raste se hatne ki zaroorat nahi he.” Geet looked at his face and asked, “Aap kya chahthe hain? Mujhe kya kya aur sehna padega aapko wapas pane keliye?” Maan’s heart cried listening to her words. He took the bag from her hand and put it aside. He scooped her up in his arms and took her to their bed. He placed her on the bed and joined her, hugging her close. She didn’t protest now as she was tired of all these.

He told hugging her, “Geet, I’m sorry. No words can compensate for the pain I gave you.” He turned towards her and placed kisses all over her face. She melted with his each kiss. He captured her lips into his, while his hands expertly got rid of their clothes. She was longing to be with him and the pregnancy hormones were adding to it. His hands moved towards her curves molding them, the tips perched up with his touch. His lips left hers and moved down further to her neck and collarbone placing luscious kisses all the way. He nipped her soft skin marking her again. He took her curves into his mouth sucking it hard. Her body was more sensitive due to pregnancy and her response was quick. She moved her hands on his bare upper body feeling his abs and muscles. She moaned his name louder as he moved his hands further down feeling the wetness. His hands pleasured her in the most unique ways while she quivered with the pleasure racking through the body. When he felt that she won’t be able to hold anymore, he entered her in a long thrust caring not to hurt her. He put his weight on his elbow while he thrust in and out of her. He flooded into her after some more powerful thrusts. When they lay exhausted in each other’s arms Geet told, “Please humse door mat jaiye. Hum jee nahi payenge.” Maan didn’t reply instead caught her lips into another passionate kiss.